Divorce is a highly emotional process.  Emotion can also make it a very expensive process as well. The key is not to keep fighting but to find a way to solutions that are best for you and your family.  Your rights regarding custody, child support, visitation, and spousal support are all critical and very important.  So too are solutions that are in the best interests of everyone effected.  Divorce is ultimatley a court of equity, or fairness.  That concept has to ultimatley be woven into every final decree or judgment.

The Court's and the law's concerns in a divorce.

Couples coming into the divorce process are often focused on several emotional issues and the transgressions of the other spouse. However,in most divorce cases in Arizona, "fault" of one party or the other is of no consequence in solving the legal or equitable issues at stake. The Court has several primary concerns. First and foremost is the safety and economic well being of any children. Always paramount in a court's actions are the best interests of children. Arizona law reflects this concern in the laws dealing with children, custody, visitation and support.

After insuring the children are safe, financially provided for and have meaningful time with both parents, only then will courts  turn their attention to debt, assets and in some cases spousal support issues.

Couples often  use the concerns of court to deal with emotional issues--- to everyone's detriment.

Unfortunately, warring spouses will often seek to deal with the "fault" of the other by holding hostage important issues such as children and property settlement issues.  The only ones who benefit from those tactics are the lawyers. Using these legal concerns  to deal internally with those issues a judge  doesn't care about, only makes the process more bitter and painful. Leveraging these issues to seek revenge over an emotional issue insures that both sides will pay significantly more for lawyers, and that the process could take years instead of months.

The Best Tactic--take the long view.

I often tell my clients to take the long view in dealing with the emotional issues a divorce is sure to bring boiling to the surface. Does this mean ignore important issues such as temporary court orders for support, visitation and asset preservation?  Of course not. These matters are immediate and must be dealt with. But look at what matters years from now, not days weeks or even months. Are your children safe, secure and provided for? Will they have the opportunity for meaningful relationship with both parents?  Will you have the financial resources to provide a reasonable standard of living  for you and your family? These are the key issues that deserve your focus. Keep your eyes on the long view. That is the prespective the courts take in fashioning a permanent decree.